Moments of Youth!!

I'm that person that bitches about those damn kids with their crappy music turned up so loud it shakes my windows. But, at the same time when a "good" song comes on I do the same damn thing. There is a difference there, the music I like isn't shit.

It was a nice day yesterday and I was driving around trying to get things done. While sitting at a stop light a great song came on, now I don't know the name of the song or even who performs it (I refuse to use the word sing for rap music--I digress) but I jam to it. It's that one where it goes, "E'rybody in the club get tipsy". Yeah, I know, sad, but I really do like it. That is when I have my moments of youth. I turn the stereo up and pretend like I'm dancing. I bop my head, do a little snapping of the fingers, tap my foot and sing along to the parts that I understand and know. For the rest I pretend like I know what the hell they are saying and play along.

Anywho, yesterday as I was doing this, I forgot that I was in Texas, I forgot that I was 30, I forgot that I'm under pressure to get some of my grad school stuff done, all I did was live in the moment. It was like a moment of clarity. I felt 22 again. Not a care in the world. Then the song ended and I felt like a damn fool hoping that some hottie wasn't trying to check me out only to be disappointed that I was some sort of freak! Then I found the song again on another station and I figured the hottie could go stick his thumb up his ass because I didn't care what he thought.

There is something about music. The longing for teenage romance when REO comes on, or the independence of listening to Ani DiFranco, the fun times when "She Bop" hits the airwaves, and the longing for days gone by when the 80's station plays something that you used to roller skate to, or that was a standard at all high school dances (ie-Friends in Low Places and anything Metallica).

Today, well, I'm 30 again, and getting accepted into and paying for grad school are things that are in the front of my mind, but I can't wait to hear that song next time I'm driving. You better bet all my windows will be down, the sun roof open and I'll be singing along to that song that makes me forget for just a minute that all I have to do is live.

Almost A Month!

Wow, I can't believe it's been almost a month since I've made an entry. Most of the 5 regulars probably stopped coming around so now that I have your attention (enter name here) I want to thank you for stopping by unexpectedly. Sorry about the condition of the place. I've been busy. Come on in, sit down, just move those magazines to the coffee table, right on that pile of books. So, how are the kids?

Well, I've done a lot of thinking the past four weeks. About my life, my future, my past (unfortunately), and my present. I've been thinking about stopping by here several time, but always found an excuse to keep right on going instead of stopping in for a visit. I've made some big decisions the past month as well. As you know I'm staying in Texas, for now. It was hard to break the news to Ms. Susan, but she took it well. She disappointed, and thinks I'm making a big mistake, but she understands. I've also aggressively begun my grad school application process. I could possibly be in school as early as this fall. YIKES!

I spoke about Rod a little bit before. Super nice guy, fun to be with. You remember him don't you? Well, we were spending lots of time together, and we aren't so much anymore. It happened right after the crawfish boil in my last entry. Actually, the day before Joy's wedding. I was spending too much time waiting around for him to get home and to get up to do things. I felt like a jilted girlfriend without all of the benefits. So after much thought and consideration (and realization), I told him that I was not going to be spending so much time at his house anymore. I needed to get out and meet people, not sit as his place wishing I had a life. I could do that at home. I was emotional that day (which is something I attribute to the wedding). I've been pretty good about not breaking down in tears every time I break a nail or get a runner in my hose. But, with the thought of Joy's impending marriage, and my eventual loneliness, I was trying to make a new something for myself. I don't know what, but a something none the less. So I changed my habits (except the drinking and smoking), colored my hair, and lied to myself about going on a new diet. So, as you can see it's really working out for me.

I've had some thoughts about this journal as well. Knowing that I have family and people that I know reading it, well, it's been difficult to write sometimes. I feel like I have to entertain people instead of writing what I really want to write. I also feel like I have to censor some things because I don't want my mom to have a heart attack. Just kidding. But, I think I have to protect her from my life, when I know she probably did things worse than I could ever think of, right MOM? So, I'm going to write like I don't think anyone is reading. Now, some of you may realize just how fucked up I am sometimes, but that's alright too. I also will not be disclosing this site to anyone new that I happen to meet. You, (insert name here), will be the only one who knows what deep thoughts linger in my mind.

If I haven't bored you to tears yet, well that's good. If I have, then go away, I didn't want you here in the first place. I can't promise daily entries, but I can promise frequent ones, so stop back, I'll try to pick up a little bit. Yes, those underwear hanging off the ceiling fan are clean! Quit asking about that!

Back to work for me!